The Life and Times of Me

Ridges in my Back

Deuce — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 01:34:16 +0000

A few months ago I watched as a construction crew used a wrecking ball to demolish an older building. Every single time they swung the crane and allowed the wrecking ball to hit the building; you could see a shockwave travel through the wall it was hitting. The crane itself wasn’t doing the damage, it could have moved back and forth all day and not done any damage. However, attach a steel cable and a several ton “ball” and the damage it created was unreal.

While I was sitting there watching the crew tear down this building, I reflected back to the day I realized I was homeless. The closest emotion I can give you is that a “reality wrecking ball” had hit me square in my stomach. The feeling was so overwhelming I had to stop my truck from my pointless wandering to throw up. Wiping sweat and tears from my face, for the first time in my life, I broke down and just wept. How in the world did I end up here? I was so mad. Mad at God, mad at myself, mad at the leasing company for not giving me an extra month, mad at my friends (who had no clue the struggles I was going through) mad at my father for causing me deep seated strife 8+ years earlier, I was just mad. I was so mad I kicked my truck. The only thing keeping me from completely being on the street, I was kicking. Smart.

As the madness melted away, the cruel picture of what was my new life started to form. I looked around at the regular cab of my Ford Ranger, glanced at the bed where my dad had enough presence of mind to put on a camper shell….this was it, my new home.

That night I parked in a lot of an abandoned building. My “bed” had a bed liner in it with these ridges that were just big enough to be terribly uncomfortable. Needless to say, that night (among many others) was devoid of sleep. My first night of being homeless was incredibly humbling. All of this could have been prevented. I could have picked up the phone and dialed several friends or my family and had help on the way. Instead, I let my ego get in the way.

Lesson# 2: Get beyond your ego.

Unchecked, an ego can be the destruction of your marriage, your business, your friendships, your life.

The great thing about tearing down an old building is seeing a new building erected. The destruction of the old building normally starts with one wall. Once that first wall is gone, you can see right into the heart of the structure, almost transparently. When you allow walls to tumble, you allow others to see the true person that exists beyond the surface.

What walls need to come down in your life?

This is the Sheriff, You Must Vacate Immediately

Deuce — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 06:51:07 +0000

The faint sound of someone knocking on a door seemed miles away. I rolled over and pulled the blanket over my head and dozed back off. I didn’t feel like being bothered by anyone and besides, who knocks on someone’s door at 3 in the afternoon? The next sound I heard shook me from my fog. It sounded like my door was opening and someone was walking up the steps. I jumped up and went out of my bedroom into my living room and what I saw then I’ll carry with me forever. About the time I got to the middle of my living room, a sheriff got to the top of my steps. For the briefest second, there we stood. Him in his uniform and me in my boxers.

Like some sort of weird standoff, we just stood staring at each other. After what felt like an eternity I asked him why he was in my apartment. He looked at me and told me I had to vacate immediately and he was there to oversee the process. I had but 30 minutes to move what belongings I had, out. Not knowing anyone really who could come help me move my furniture, I gathered up a suitcases and shoved most of my clothes in them. Everything else, I left. And like that, I was homeless.

What I didn’t tell you is I had received a notice about a month before that I was being evicted for failure to pay my rent. Go figure. I didn’t pay my bills and someone wanted to enforce the law. I had decided not to face reality and live in a made up world. One where the rental agency let me stay for another few months without paying.

I remember that day like it happened yesterday. I piled my suitcases in the back of my truck and drove around crying for hours.

Lesson #1: Face Reality and Do It Today
It seems simple doesn’t it? Why is it that when that problem we’ve ignored for God knows how long creeps up and bites us on the butt, do we act so surprised? That gambling addiction that is draining your bank account. The relationship that has turned violent, but thankfully you’re still alive, for today. Living paycheck to paycheck knowing that if you get sick and have to stop working, you’re on the street. The weight gain that was 5 pounds two months ago, 25 pounds last month, and 30 pounds this month. You know if it keeps up you could die, but you ignore it.

I’ve been there. I used to sleep nearly 20 hours or more a day. I was seriously depressed. I slept to avoid reality. I slept to avoid feelings of failure. When you’re asleep, you don’t have to look in the mirror and realize how screwed up your life is. You don’t have to get those phone calls from “loved ones” who mean well, but add to the agony. However, there is freedom in not being a slave to depression. Freedom in achieving. Freedom in fixing broken relationships. Freedom in just living. I overcame, but I didn’t do it overnight. It is a journey I’m still on.

STOP! Whatever you need to face, do it right now. It might be something simple like writing an email or making a phone call to move your business forward. You don’t have forever.

Deuce

Away We Go

Deuce — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 22:32:59 +0000

I just want to thank everyone for their patience in waiting for my series to debut.

Writing has never been a challenge for me. Normally I’m able to sit down and just flow. For once, I haven’t been at a loss for words, it’s WHAT words to use to make sure I communicated the challenges and the triumphs of a period of my life that will remain in my memory forever, God willing. I want you the reader to walk in my shoes, to feel the frustration, the anger, the loss, the helplessness, the depression, the victory. So here I am, ready and willing to completely open up my life and peel back some layers and ultimately go completely transparent.

I might not be able to squeeze everything I want to in each part of the series, so some parts might be broken down into mutiple parts. (I tend to get wordy…lol.) Please, if you identify with any part of what I’m sharing, leave a comment either here or over on Twitter and let me know.

Thank you for taking time out of your schedule and busy life to read here. I’m honored and flattered.

Away we go….

Deuce

Going Transparent – An Eight Part Series

Deuce — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 04:23:03 +0000

I was homeless once. It sucked.

What? Did you want me to dress it up and pretend it was fun? Oh sure, they dramatize it in movies like The Pursuit of Happyness but the reality is being homeless sucks. Thankfully, it wasn’t terribly long and I did have possession of my truck, so technically I had “shelter”. Drugs and alcohol weren’t involved. The reason I ended up on the street? Plain, old fashioned mistakes and bad decisions that ultimately led to me taking a shower from a garden hose late on a Sunday night behind a church.

The purpose of this series is to impart on you, the reader that if I can be successful, you can too. If you’re broken down, frustrated, sick of the staus quo, afraid, mad, WHATEVER…this series is penned by someone who was all of those adjectives plus a hundred more. My desire is to inspire, encourage, and push you further than you have ever gone before. You don’t need to have been homeless to appreciate where I’ve come from, and where I’m going. I write these words with an air of humor, because if I don’t laugh about it, then I haven’t learned the deeper lessons of that dark time.

I hope to touch on a new “Part” of the series every 2-3 days. I’d appreciate any and all feedback, provided you’re respectful to me as well as my readers.

The Eight “Rules” I Learned While Living Out Of The Back of My Truck:

This Is The Sheriff, You Must Vacate Immediately
Ridges In My Back
You’re Dead To Me
Parking Lots Always Have A Vacancy
Getting Robbed & Taking It Back
Share The Ramen
I Need A Bath
Begging For A Quarter

I’m excited about rewinding time and taking you with me as I reflect and share what was a wild journey.

Cheers,

Terry “Deuce” Hartley
P.S. To all of my twitter peeps, I’d love for you to Retweet this story if you feel so inclined! Much love for the tweeps!

The Inauguration: You Have Options

Deuce — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:30:50 +0000

Option A:

Let’s all pack up and travel across country. No really, get the Van gassed up and pull out the cargo carrier that goes on top. We’ll leave on Saturday, driving 10 hours a day. We’ll eat at Mickey D’s and order from the dollar menu. One day, we’ll be able to afford value meals under His reign leadership. We’ll arrive to hotels that haven’t had a vacancy in weeks. We’ll sit for miles and miles in hours and hours of traffic. We’ll be able to see the Washington Monument on a postcard that will be $7 for one, $20 for two. We’ll talk with other excited people about “change” as we pack ourselves on the metro like little untasty fish in a can, just to have it break down because it can’t handle that many people. We’ll camp out if we have to on the street pretending that it’s cool, while the real homeless are bussed to other parts of the city.

Maybe we’ll get a nice hotel room over in Pennsylvania or West Virginia. If we can’t, we’ll learn all about parts of the city like Southeast, since that will be the only place with vacancies.

We’ll stand for hours and hours and use porta-johns with 3,999,999 other people. We’ll cause traffic backups for people that have to go about their normal lives, resulting in hours of lost time in cities as far away as Miami, Florida. Forget traveling on the East Coast, DC is the only happening place.

We’ll hear the murmurings that HE is coming. We’ll get excited even though we’re standing over in Maryland at the Redskins stadium. The excitement will grow as we’re a PART of HISTORY. Then, Obama will arrive. We’ll get so excited and giddy that we’re part of this moment in our country. And when the historic moment happens, we’ll watch it all from a jumbotron miles and miles away from the swearing in. It will be sooooo fun. Once all the celebration is over, we’ll leave the city sometime in February; when the traffic jams subside of course.

Option B:

Stay home and watch it all from the comfort of your own living room on your own television. You can eat food that isn’t cooked by a street vendor. You can share your bathroom with your neighbors if it will make you feel more communal. You can sleep on your own bed and not on the street. Heck, sleep on the street then come inside and watch it on TV; you’ll me most appreciative for your bed and have the same experience!

But for the sake of all of us in the DC Metro area, STAY AT HOME!
Deuce